Every Time

Meanwhile, just to get something off my back. I have been going through my room and have been finding poems, thoughts noted down on papers, pictures and scribbles on index cards. All written in the prime of my depression (2011, when I found this beautiful site). Reading some reminded me that although I suck at it and they turn out cheesy, I still want to write them, so here is something I wrote a few nights ago.

This is because something happened between me and someone that means so much to me, someone who I got to meet so well and be part of her life in such an amazing way and to all of a sudden have it all vanish without a trace. She means the world to me.

Every time she looks at me
with that face of fear
with that face of disgust
I inhale as the pain builds up
my heart that shattered
my heart that died
I sigh it out
it’s dust caught in my throat
it’s dust making it hard to breathe
the leftover shards fall from my chest
it pierces my stomach
it pierces my lungs
charred up like a piece of coal
my blood slows down
my blood runs cold
no more hope in my life, no more warmth to come
my body grows tired
my body grows weak
she was all that I had, she was all that I wanted
my mind goes blank
my mind goes…